When you’re happy
When you are happy,
Do you call your friends?
Do you get help?
Heaviest poem I ve ever written
Happiest poem I ve ever written
Yet,
Unlinear poem I ve ever written
Took my pen and my note book
Hoping this feeling would utter itself
First, I started by hoping i could lend it my voice
Noticed quickly I am not equipped to describe Happy State same way I am sometimes not equipped to process and translate grief.
So I ask again,
When You are happy,
Do you call your friends?
Do you ask for help?
It’s Not that simple
Not that Black or white
Not quite a clean cut.
I said out loud looking at all the indicators I had put in place to signal me my arrival to the Happy state.
In my less wise mind I was conviced that happiness was a delta .
Actually a resolved equation where
all my finances are in order,
my romantic relationships makes sense
My friendships supportively peaceful
My blood relationships less bloody
My work, my fitness , my wellness were all in balance
Today none of those of variables are all the way forever green.
Lately other variables I can’t quite measure are moving this Happyness needle.
Mornings come bearing soulfoul gentleness
Music sounds different, walks walks have life rythme
Lately, looking at my own undoings, my unbecomings, my shortcomings,
All the things I am not.
All the tings I don’t have
All the many things I am not, can not be, fail to be .
Looking at them, all the doubts, all the shame .
Looking at it all is making me more resilient
When someone gives me a compliment,
I listen and trust them . I say thank you and start thinking: what if they actually felt, saw , meant what they told me. Gosh what if it is true? Fucking life changing.
I Observe when other people do lil things i usually don’t like on myself , I hear them when they say hey sorry i talked too much. I pay attention to my genuine response :” Noo it was actually lovely hearing you telling me about the dreams you had last night “.
Seeing myself in others and realizing humans are beautiful and I am not specially different .
I find people cute and there is no way I ll be the exception to that rule.
It’s okay to be human.